Wounds
Two months to the end of 2021 felt so deep for me
The job that felt fun changed into boring thing
Friends that always around me was gone
Even I lost my sweet home who supposed to be an comfort place for me
Everything changed in a matter of time
I lost everything…
Emotion of angry, sad, annoyed, and disappointed were gather in my soul
They tried to show themeselves every day till chased away emotion of happy
I lost my way…
I thought all of these gonna be done at the end of 2021,
Apparently not, all these wounds were still flowing inside me
Allusion book, two months of the end of 2021 just an introductory chapter
The chapter content were on March
After my sister’s wedding party, she left a lot of debt to my family
At the same time I lost my job
I felt I got an revenge of my sins
At the silence, I asked where were the people that I’ve ever help?
Again and again I lost my way…
I didn’t know how much tears that fallen every day, from morning to morning
I didn’t know how much I tried to suicide that I’ve done
Entering the beginning of April, which coincidentally was Ramadhan month, here I got an strength inside me to try get up fom all negative emotions
I started to get close with my mother, invited my mom went to mall
And I realized so far all of my time, money, and power never I gave to my mother even half of it
At the way, I was thingking to buy two fenomenal books, that were
“An Art to Act Whatever” and “Everything were Ambyar”
Without thingking long, I bought two of its
Now… My business was change
I just help my mother sold fries, red the book, looked for a job, and brood over
The first book that I red was “An Art to Act Whatever”
From that book, I learnt so much so far that I’ve done was not of ikhlas
I still hope all of I’ve gave to the person, back to me from the same person
I gave more priority to the other person
Till I felt disappointed when they weren’t came to hold me up
Actually the first stage is myself, the only one is god, then my parents
Three sentences from that book, who made me realized enough from all my false, that were
“People who thinks themeselves have to specialized, fall to the one of trap of them, maybe they hope other people take responsible of their problems or they take too much responsible of other people’s problems”
“People who thinks they’re special, they like blame other people of emotion and act of themselves, because they sure that if consintantly showed themeselves as a victim, at the end someone will come and safe them and they will take love that they always wants it”
“People who thinks they’re special, they will volunteer to get wrong of emotion and act of other people, because they believe that if they fix their relationship and safe its, they will take love and appreciation who so far they wants its”
These sentences made me collapse and melt
After I red these sentences, again and again I tried to get up and got close myself to Allah
Bit by bit my chest felt relieved, tried to walk to a better place with beautiful smile and said Alhamdulillah to Allah because all of this wounds
This wounds maybe not be the last for me
As long as I’m alive, I will get a wounds, isn’t it?
So, maybe this the first wounds for myself
But from here, I know the medicine for my next wounds
You’ll never know happy before you sad
Also you’ll never know healed before you know hurted
And the last but not least,
I’ll say thank you to wounds, you’ve made me stronger for a better version of me.
