Wounds

Wounds

 

Two months to the end of 2021 felt so deep for me

The job that felt fun changed into boring thing

Friends that always around me was gone

Even I lost my sweet home who supposed to be an comfort place for me

Everything changed in a matter of time

I lost everything…

Emotion of angry, sad, annoyed, and disappointed were gather  in my soul

They tried to show themeselves every day till chased away emotion of happy

I lost my way…

I thought all of these gonna be done at the end of 2021,

Apparently not, all these wounds were still flowing inside me

Allusion book, two months of the end of 2021 just an introductory chapter

The chapter content were on March

After my sister’s wedding party, she left a lot of debt to my family

At the same time I lost my job

I felt I got an revenge of my sins

At the silence, I asked where were the people that I’ve ever help?

Again and again I lost my way…

I didn’t know how much tears that fallen every day, from morning to morning

I didn’t know how much I tried to suicide that I’ve done

Entering the beginning of April, which coincidentally was Ramadhan month, here I got an strength inside me to try get up fom all negative emotions

I started to get close with my mother, invited my mom went to mall

And I realized so far all of my time, money, and power never I gave to my mother even half of it

At the way, I was thingking to buy two fenomenal books, that were

“An Art to Act Whatever” and “Everything were Ambyar”

Without thingking long, I bought two of its

Now… My business was change

I just help my mother sold fries, red the book, looked for a job, and brood over

The first book that I red was “An Art to Act Whatever”

From that book, I learnt so much so far that I’ve done was not of ikhlas

I still hope all of I’ve gave to the person, back to me from the same person

I gave more priority to the other person

Till I felt disappointed when they weren’t came to hold me up

Actually the first stage is myself, the only one is god, then my parents

Three sentences from that book, who made me realized enough from all my false, that were

“People who thinks themeselves have to specialized, fall to the one of trap of them, maybe they hope other people take responsible of their problems or they take too much responsible of other people’s problems”

“People who thinks they’re special, they like blame other people of emotion and act of themselves, because they sure that if consintantly showed themeselves as a victim, at the end someone will come and safe them and they will take love that they always wants it”

“People who thinks they’re special, they will volunteer to get wrong of emotion and act of other people, because they believe that if they fix their relationship and safe its, they will take love and appreciation who so far they wants its”

These sentences made me collapse and melt

After I red these sentences, again and again I tried to get up and got close myself to Allah

Bit by bit my chest felt relieved, tried to walk to a better place with beautiful smile and said Alhamdulillah to Allah because all of this wounds

This wounds maybe not be the last for me

As long as I’m alive, I will get a wounds, isn’t it?

So, maybe this the first wounds for myself

But from here, I know the medicine for my next wounds

You’ll never know happy before you sad

Also you’ll never know healed before you know hurted

And the last but not least,

I’ll say thank you to wounds, you’ve made me stronger for a better version of me.